Dr Soila Sindiyo

During the blues you begin to see yourself as Quasimodo’s uglier sister, who will never find love again and everywhere we turn there is a new diet, an exercise video or some fast to get us back into our favourite pair of jeans and looking fabulous.

Which we, and when I say we I use it loosely because if you are anything like me, you will stick to it for two weeks feeling lousy and pungent before giving up to lay on the couch to eat your body weight in chocolate and hating yourself just a little more for giving up, for not trying. For being single again, for the hole in the ozone layer; during the blues there seems to be little reason not to practice some self-hate.

I had this crazy thought that among all the faddy diets and extreme fasts that we are going to be bombarded with, there was one we absolutely had to try – the Self-Hate fast!  In the year that has just gone by at one point or another, we were unduly unkind, unloving and darn right cruel to ourselves, withholding love, abundance, and the gift of self-care.

You are probably thinking how the heck do I know?

Well the answer to that question is simple; I had been very guilty of doing exactly the same thing. I have talked very badly about myself, been hyper-critical and unduly hard on me. Denying myself time to rest or appreciating where I was, I kept looking out and comparing me to others, which was just unkind, unloving and  just  wrong.

So to start 2014 I’m going on a Self-hate fast a 30 day journey back to love, to falling back in love with me.  I will love for you  to join me and  the very cool  thing about this fast is that you  don’t need to go hungry, eat weird  food  combos or drink anything that has the look and  smell of  pond water and you  can  be around company when you do it  😉 *hehehehehe*

To set up and follow this fast is simple.  Things you will need are a journal where you can capture all the things that come up for you in the next 30 days, create a self-loving list which is a list of the things you want to do for you, a speed-dial sister that will hold you accountable and share the journey with you.

You will need to be open to treating you like you are your best-friend or cherished loved one, be willing to give yourself the gift of love, self-care, focused attention, forgiveness, kindness and seeing yourself through loving eyes.

On the first day create space for you! Ask your husband, partner, ex, best bud or family to look after the kids for you as you prepare some space to see you the woman. Not the mother, the partner, wife or whatever setup you may have, not the daughter or sister. It’s time to see you, that neglected side of you that you have pushed to the backburner, while you took care of everyone and everything else.

As you unearth that thing you have always wanted to do for yourself and give it voice,  it could be taking up that  dance class you  had always wanted to do,  taking up aerial hops, the acting classes you promised yourself at 18, running away and joining the circus for the day.  Ask your 10 year old self what she really wanted to do when she grew up and give it a try. You have the option to decide if what you pick is still something you want to do. If it is put it as the first item on your self-loving list and spend the rest of the time enjoying your own company with some simple self-indulgence.

For the next 29 days give yourself the gift of kindness by saying something kind and loving to you, it may sound totally weird and odd to tell yourself how amazing you think you are but we have no issues with being mean and darn right hurtful to ourselves as we call ourselves stupid, unlovable, selfish, fat, unattractive, loser are you getting the drift?

So for the next 29 days trade it for you are loving, beautiful, enough, joyous, desirable, happy, you belong, you are loved, you are_____________ You fill in the gaps with what works for you.

Next is to look at the woman you are through loving eyes.  Look at yourself in the mirror with loving eyes so don’t look for the perceived flaws or stuff.  Look at one feature a day and say something loving and kind about that part, like you have the most amazing eyes, your skin is so even and beautiful……… Yes it will feel odd, uncomfortable and slightly weird but remember for the duration of the fast you have chosen to treat yourself like you are your own best friend or loved one.

Let me ask you this?

Do you not complement your friend on how great she looks and how fantastic she is?  Do you not tell your child that you loved them to the moon and back again? Now is the time to extend that courtesy to you, so for the next 30 days you have the permission to speak to yourself in loving ways. You get to add one item a day to your loving list of things you will do to and for you…. During the fast you give yourself the gift of forgiveness for all the decisions and choices that you have made in the past that may have not gone the way you wanted.

Are you beginning to get the picture?

The self-hate fast is about coming face to face with your most loving version of yourself the one you normally reserve for others in your life and turn her on you, so you can benefit from that love you direct outwards you get to share with you which will in turn fill up your love tank so you can be more loving with the people in your life. As the old adage goes charity begins at home for our purposes being loving starts with loving self-first!

Unbridled Joy and Brilliance,

Lillian Ogbogoh

Seduction Discovery Specialist

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