Divorce and Parenting Consultant
Writer and Speaker
Write away the past and write into your future.
When I found myself alone after a traumatic divorce, there were two things that got me through those first few years. There was my lifesaver counsellor who helped me find my dignity and self-worth again. And there was my journal. Every day for years I told my journal what I was feeling and gradually I began to see myself again.
With this ‘write away’ series, I will give you writing tips and some journaling ideas. Both of which I hope will help set you on the path to your future.
In those early days of your new life, it is important to focus on small and manageable achievements. Sometimes my greatest sense of gratitude was that I had made it through the day at work and got myself home again.
Let us begin at the beginning.
Find a beautiful notebook you like. There are so many choices today and having the right journaling notebook should mean that when you pick it up the book gives you a sense of belonging. This is your life and your journal. That is the way you want to enter your journaling experience.
Then consider the best time in each day that would work for you. For me, it was always just before I turned out the lights. It was quiet and I could reflect on the entire day.
Sometimes just getting started is the biggest hurdle. Your mind fills with questions of what you should write about and that can be a barrier to taking that first step.
Keep it simple.
Your journal entry can be “today I…”
Then can follow an account of what you did, where you went and the people you saw. If it was a home day, the same thing applies. Where did your day start and then where did it go. Do not worry about it sounding mundane. There will be times when it is a recount of the day’s events and other times it will be a day of great insight. Both are helping you find your future.
We read the benefits of gratitude and know that being grateful is an extremely healthy exercise. Once you can look at your day then consider what part of it brings gratitude. Perhaps you are grateful for getting through the day and that is enough. Separation and divorce can be a time in our lives when we are hardest on ourselves.
If you are critical of yourself then qualify it. I did this, thought this, said this, because…
The pain of separation is fierce and stumbling along the way to your future is part of the healing process.
If you feel comfortable about digging deeper into your feelings, then do so. One mantra I subscribed to during those years was that a journal never tires of hearing the same thing. If you want to rage a bit –rage a bit. But reread your journal and make sure you can see a balance.
One of the most helpful writing tips I ever received was to read aloud what I have written. When you read aloud what you have written then write about what you heard. It might be you heard your pain. It might be you heard hope.
Be patient with yourself. Everyone is on their own timeline to recover from a separation and divorce. We can become so critical of ourselves because life is not changing fast enough. Or during the day, we did something we regret. There will be many days like that. Avoid being critical of yourself. Our self -talk should focus on encouraging us through every day. Everyone, whether going through a divorce or not, makes mistakes. All these years later, there are still some things I said and did that are cringeworthy. I cannot change the past. I did and said whatever it was. I own them and I have moved on.
A journal is a private place we can go. It is a safe space. And it is your friend. There will be no criticism from a journal. It will never get tired of you repeating yourself.
Journaling will take you on a path of self-discovery. You will find insight you never realised you had. You will find wisdom you never knew you possessed. I hope it soothes your soul.
Read more articles by Linda Simpson.
About Linda Simpson
“I take strength from your calm, your honesty, and the hope you give me for my future.” Cheryl
Linda is a fresh voice in the divorce advice world. She offers a pragmatic, common sense approach to life after divorce issues based on over twenty years surviving and thriving following a very traumatic divorce.
As a single parent, her sons are an enormous source of joy in her life. She is a loving mother and grandmother to four delightful grandchildren.
She holds a degree from the University of Waterloo with concentrations in sociology and philosophy and guidance counselling certification from Queen’s University.
She is an accredited trainer for The Peace Education Foundation, a leader in conflict resolution training. The institute is ‘dedicated to educating children and adults in the dynamics of conflict resolution and promoting peacemaking skills in home, schools, and community.’
In a long and successful teaching career, she also served as a counsellor and workshop facilitator for SEL (social emotional learning) programming and The Peace Education Foundation throughout her school and school district and was a frequent conference presenter for SUNY Potsdam Faculty of Education USA.
She writes for The Divorce Magazine UK and her blog is seen regularly on Huffington Post Canada where the focus is life after divorce and parenting issues.
She is a writer and poet and is presently at work on a book based on her divorce experience.