Author, Mediator, Lawyer
According to statistics presented by Forbes magazine in 2024, over 70% of couples reported not understanding the realities and stages of marriage, while 75% cited a lack of commitment as the reason for their divorce—higher than the 60% attributed to infidelity, as stated in the same article [1]. This suggests that when we decide to marry, we often don’t fully grasp what we’re committing to. If communication is difficult during marriage, one can only imagine (and perhaps experience firsthand) how challenging it becomes during a high-conflict divorce.
In my case, I vividly recall my parents’ divorce when I was 13 years old. My mom’s lawyer advised her to safeguard all her assets and finances to prevent my dad from claiming a share of what she had built during their marriage. My mom was the primary breadwinner, while my dad took on more of a caregiving role at home.
My parents opted for what legally qualifies as an amicable divorce, as my mom wanted to shield us from the harsh realities of court proceedings. However, over time, she began pressuring me to persuade my dad to transfer his portion of the property to me and my sister, asserting that it rightfully belonged to us. These conversations, orchestrated by my mom, deeply unsettled me. She would dictate what I should say and how I should respond, then interrogate me upon my return home to dissect exactly what had transpired. In the end, she would lament, “See, your dad refuses to give back what is rightfully yours, all because of his own desires and those of his girlfriend.”
My dad staunchly maintained that the property was rightfully his and refused to sign it over without providing a satisfactory explanation for withholding it from his children. Thus, at ages 13, 14, and 15, I found myself assuming the roles of financial advisor and mediator between two individuals grappling with depression and the agony of divorce.
After years of tumultuous arguments and hostile exchanges, my dad eventually signed everything over, and now, all assets belong to my sister and me. However, my mom vehemently opposes any notion of selling these assets, citing her contributions from her hard-earned money. It took me years to comprehend that my mom was safeguarding her assets and had unwittingly used me as a pawn to achieve this.
It also took years for me to grasp the underlying truths hidden behind her statements—like her long work hours from 6 a.m. to 11 p.m., ostensibly to support us financially, which also concealed her desire to distance herself from our family situation, unable to cope. Similarly, it took time to understand why my dad didn’t fight harder for us, maintain closer contact, or provide financial support. Some of these questions still burden my mind today, unanswered and swept under the carpet.
However, through my own therapy over the years, I’ve come to realise that if both my parents had pursued therapy to confront their emotional baggage and familial challenges, it would have significantly eased the burden on us as children. I have witnessed this in many mediations where parents express their desire to do everything for their kids, only to contradict themselves seconds later by claiming they cannot adjust their schedules to accommodate their children’s activities—a situation that likely never arose before their marriage. What I hadn’t realised is that when a person comes to mediation for a family issue like divorce, they are not alone; their entire family comes with them. They carry burdens from childhood, including past traumas, responsibilities, and family expectations. For instance, during one mediation, a father told me, “My dad—thus the grandfather of the child—would be really disappointed in me.” You see, after a significant disappointment like divorce, parents not only carry the responsibility of handling their own divorce but also the frustration and disappointment of their families. The roots of these issues go so much deeper, and without addressing them, mediation can never fully succeed. Without healing from the anger, frustration, and wounded egos, discussing children’s parenting plans and financial matters becomes nearly impossible. Addressing emotions can save time, money, and anger, and most importantly, it can spare children from assuming roles that are not theirs to bear.
This is why I believe that a therapist can be more important than a lawyer. While a lawyer focuses on legal matters and may bring their own emotional biases to the table, a therapist delves into the heart of the issues and facilitates easier resolution of legal conflicts.
[1] https://www.forbes.com/advisor/legal/divorce/divorce-statistics/
Read more articles by Despina Mavridou.
About Despina Mavridou
My name is Despina Mavridou. I am an author, a mediator and a lawyer in Greece.
I experienced the negative effects of divorce due to my parents’ separation when I was ten years old. For many years I was in the middle of their fights, trying to find a balance. When I was approx. 17 years old, I decided that I didn’t want to see my dad anymore. This cost me my relationship with him for more than 20 years (we have reunited recently).
After many years working as a lawyer, in the last four years I discovered mediation and also my passion for writing. For this reason, I left my job as a lawyer to concentrate on my passion.
My first published book is titled Mum, Dad, Can you hear me? and it is partially based on my personal story. I always wanted to share certain things with my parents to make them understand how I was feeling about their divorce.
Moreover, working as a mediator in family dispute issues, I saw how difficult it is for parents to get in their kid’s shoes.
The specific book Mum, Dad Can you hear me? serves dual purpose.
On one hand I want to help children understand that divorce is not the end of the world and that they can have both parents in their lives.
On the other hand, I want to help parents see divorce through the eyes of a ten-year-old girl to better understand the thoughts, needs and feelings of children and how important it is for them to have both parents in their lives.