Divorce Coach & Owner
Rightstep Coaching
When I realised my marriage was truly over, I felt like my whole world had collapsed. Divorce wasn’t what I had planned for my life. I didn’t get married thinking it would ever end, and facing that reality was devastating.
I ran through every possible what if—what if we tried harder? What if we could fix things? What if I never find happiness again? But the truth was, there was nothing more I could do to change the situation. I had to accept it, whether I was ready or not.
What I didn’t expect was that, over time, my divorce would give me more than it took away. It didn’t feel like that at first, but looking back, I see so many unexpected gifts that came from ending my marriage.
1. Learning to Enjoy My Own Company
I had never lived alone before, and the thought of it terrified me. In the beginning, I found it incredibly hard. The silence was loud, the space felt too big, and I was genuinely worried I would be on my own forever.
Over time, and from pushing myself out of my comfort zone, I started to enjoy it. I had complete freedom to shape my life how I wanted. I could decorate my home exactly how I liked. I could binge-watch the worst reality TV without judgement. I didn’t have to compromise on anything.
More importantly, I learned to love my own company. I went to the cinema on my own. I reframed the deafening silence into peace. By the time I eventually met someone new, I was scared of living with someone else again! Something I never thought would be possible in those first few months.
2. Gaining a New Perspective on Motherhood
One of the hardest parts of divorce was adjusting to not seeing my child every day. That was something I never thought I’d have to face, and at first, I found this incredibly difficult. The first few times he went with his dad, I did not know what to do with myself.
I then realised that being a good mum isn’t about being physically present 24/7—it’s about being emotionally present when you are with your child. Having time to myself made me a happier, more patient, and more engaged mum. And honestly? I learned to appreciate my free time, too. Instead of dreading weekends without my son, I used them to recharge, do things I loved, and invest in myself. I became a better mum because I had found more balance in my life.
3. Realising I Was Stronger Than I Thought
When you go through something as life changing as divorce, you discover parts of yourself you didn’t even know existed.
I had always been quite independent but that didn’t mean suddenly doing everything on my own wasn’t scary. I worried about who would look after me if I was ill, about paying for everything on one salary instead of two, going to social events as a single person when everyone else is a couple.
Divorce forced me to trust myself in ways I never had before. I handled things I never imagined I’d have to deal with, and with each challenge, I realised how strong and resilient I am. I now know that life can throw me pretty much any challenge, and I will be okay.
4. Having the Freedom to Rediscover Myself
For years, I had made decisions based on what worked for my marriage. After my divorce, I had the chance to ask myself, What do I actually want?
So, I started saying yes to things I had always been curious about. As a child, I had begged to go horse riding, but my mum never let me. So, I finally booked a lesson. Turns out, I didn’t love it as much as I thought I would—but that wasn’t the point. The point was that I had the freedom to try, to explore, to do things just for me.
I strengthened old friendships, made new ones, and stopped living according to someone else’s expectations. I didn’t feel trapped in my marriage, but it is only when you live on your own and make all your own decisions that you realise how incredibly freeing that is!
I took a gamble and went on a single parents’ holiday, and it was one of the best things I ever did! My son and I had a brilliant time and made new friends. I also joined a large social group as although I had lots of friends, I didn’t want to feel like I was always taking them away from their partners. I also wanted to meet other single people, but not as a date. This was also one of the best things I did.
5. New Career Opportunities
Initially, I panicked about my future and whether I would cope financially. Fortunately, I had a good career and although I found it difficult to concentrate on it for a few months, it was also something to distract me from what was going on at home. Not long after my separation I was offered a promotion which felt like the last thing I needed at the time but I took it anyway. It turned out to be a great opportunity and I loved my new role for many years. It gave me more flexibility, and more money, which I desperately needed as I had to support myself. In fact, my divorce was the catalyst for an even bigger change—I eventually left my career in teaching and became a divorce coach, helping other women navigate the exact same journey I had been through. I never saw that coming, but it has become one of the most meaningful parts of my life.
Would I Thank My Ex? Not Quite… But I’m Grateful for the Growth
I’m not sure I’ll ever go so far as to thank my ex for divorcing me. But I can say, with absolute certainty, that I am grateful for the person I’ve become because of it.
Divorce didn’t ruin my life. It reshaped it. It forced me to grow, to step outside my comfort zone, and to start living life on my terms. It gave me new experiences, greater self-awareness, and a renewed sense of purpose.
So if you’re in the thick of it, feeling lost and overwhelmed, I want you to know this: you won’t feel this way forever. One day, you’ll look back and realise that this wasn’t just an ending—it was the beginning of something you never expected but probably needed.
About Catherine Cooke
Catherine Cooke, an accredited coach with several years of experience, has supported hundreds of women through divorce via her free support group, membership, and private coaching. A former headteacher, she takes a practical and compassionate approach, helping clients navigate emotional and logistical challenges while minimising conflict. Passionate about keeping children at the heart of decisions, Catherine empowers women to move forward with certainty and direction.