Author of
The Global Guide to Divorce
Divorce can seem like a roller coaster ride – speeding along at break neck speed with a multitude of decisions needing to be made.
During this frenetic time it is okay to put the brakes on and take a breather. The mind gets overloaded when stressed out and one can feel like they are wandering around in a fog.
This is when you hit the pause button.
The Harvard Business Review said that taking a break from tasks helps one to reevaluate what they are trying to achieve. It is a way to step back and look at the whole picture so as not to get caught up in the minutia.
This advice is helpful in the divorce process when one tends to just see what is immediately in front of them instead of the future outcome.
It is okay to inform your mediator or solicitor that you require a short pause in the proceedings.
Just as a computer stops and reboots for optimal functioning – do this yourself. Taking a pause, whether for a day or a week, resets your mind and body. Walking in a nearby park is relaxing and helps one to face the crazy day.
There are many studies showing the benefits of nature on one’s mental and physical well-being. Dr. Marc Berman of the University of Michigan, USA conducted a study which found that walking in nature improved test subjects’ memories and attention spans by twenty percent. If you are forgetting details during your divorce, consider taking your break in a leafy area.
When one feels pushed into hasty decisions – this can backfire down the road.
Making snap decisions to move house or not taking a more diversified portfolio when splitting assets, can haunt you later.
Think about taking an afternoon off from work and then sit in a coffee shop as one divorcing woman did. She felt this mental health break was worth it and was able to think through issues calmly while sipping lattes.
I felt better after seeing comedies at the cinema with friends. Get your mind off your proceedings by doing something fun in town or going on a mini holiday.
When life is hectic and one is juggling so much more besides divorce, hit that pause button.
Trade babysitting with a neighbour or drop off the kids for a fun overnight with your parents. The idea is to give yourself some space to get centred. When your needs are being met – you are in a better position to focus on the divorce tasks at hand. Feeling less frazzled helps one to be more attentive to the children.
I was lucky that a trip was already scheduled pre-divorce with my mother and sons. That was my pause button from proceedings. We came back rejuvenated after traipsing around castles and cobbled stone streets. I was so much calmer and ready to get back into the divorce fray.
Think about areas in your life, besides divorce where you could use a pause.
When someone takes too much of your energy and you feel drained, consider putting that relationship on hold. If commitments are very time consuming during divorce, you may have to pull back for a while. Organizations and clubs have set meetings and functions.
Feel free to take a break from these activities or to terminate some of your memberships in these groups. Hit the pause button when you need to regroup.
Wendi Schuller is a nurse, hypnotherapist and is certi ed in Neuro-linguistic Programing (NLP).
Her most recent book is The Global Guide to Divorce and she has over 100 published articles.
Her other book is The Woman’s Holistic Guide to Divorce. Web site is globalguidetodivorce.com.