Child Trauma Therapist
Founder of The Divorce Magazine
There are so many positives to co-parenting that I remain amazed at why people resist it so much that they would rather go to court and allow for a judge, a perfect stranger to the children, to decide where they will live, with whom and for how long.
Most parents are very, very capable of creating a parenting plan that’s just right for them and their little ones yet, they choose to be blinded by the anger and resentment that they feel towards their exes. They choose to allow these emotions to rule over the lives and destinies of their children
To be fair, it’s not easy to tame those hugely negative emotions and thoughts long enough to allow for a parenting plan to be created and it’s contents put in motion but it’s not impossible and it’s crucial to do so.
Why Create and Embrace your Parenting Plan!
– A parenting plan means that you don’t have to go down the parenting route alone. There’s a reason why single parents long for “just 5 mins” to themselves. I love my girls dearly, but I still do long for “my” weekends and “my” holidays where I get time alone while they are with someone whom I know will give them the time of their lives because, whether I like it or not, he too loves them just as much as I do.
– Most things school are shared. Whatever issues, concerns and trouble come up, you don’t have to deal with on your own. Think of those huge school projects which your child can do with his other parent over the weekend.
– Best of all, co-parenting ensures that I will never have to answer any questions about daddy. They will grow up knowing him well. A parenting plan that is created with the children in mind allows for everyone to be happy.
If you don’t want to come face to face with your ex, then arrange for the exchange and transition to happen at school. You drop them off and he picks them up at the end of the day and vice versa.
Your divorce has happened. You have children. You both love them dearly and want to spend time with them. Well, unless there’s an issue around safety then creating a parenting plan can allow for this to happen.
If your mission is to make is as hard as possible for your ex to see the children for no other reason other than the fact that you hate him/her then realise that you are not doing your children any favours. Put yourself in their situation and for one minute try and imagine what they might be feeling or going through.
It may not be easy create that parenting agreement right now but it’s not impossible and can be massively, massively rewarding for all concerned, especially your little ones.
Make it easier on you and your children. Create that parenting plan and learn to embrace it, enjoy it and live it!
Soila is the founder of The Divorce Magazine and creator of the online course – Helping Children Cope with Divorce
She is known for taking away the pain of trauma and loss in children, adolescents and their families and is the author of “When Love is Broken. A read-together book for children and parents going through divorce and separation.
Soila holds an MSc in Psychoanalytic Developmental Psychology from UCL (University College London), is an accredited Positive Parenting Program (Triple P) practitioner and a trained Family Mediator.
Soila is Graduate Member of the British Psychological Society.
You can contact her on 07850 85 60 66 or via email soila@thedivorcemagazine.co.uk