Well, I should start by stating some facts right? Ok, the both divorces weren’t mine per se but that of my parents and then my own. Could we talk of Family History?
I read with interest the article by JungleDiva right here on the Divorce Magazine where she highlighted her uncle’s premonition about her own marriage.
Yet, I also know it is not an established fact that kids from divorced homes will end up down that same tunnel especially if they marry for the right reasons I suppose.
As for me, the stakes were pretty high that I will take that same path.
I got married actually because I was trying to run away from a similar path. Marriage was my Refuge, turned jail in which I all over again left even younger kids than when we were left too.
Now, a little history right?
My Parents divorced when I was thirteen or so. I am the second of four siblings but the one all considered the ‘toughest’. They still call me to date ‘L’homme de situation difficile‘ (The man of tough times if I could translate it such).
I took charge soon after our mother left. I skipped the wall at my father’s to go fetch us food and all when our step mother denied that we touch her anything. I also jumped that same high fence to bring my mother some stuffs she left behind and needed. I did this because my dad locked the gate with a key on leaving for work and his wife kept it locked!
I had known from my tender age that all was not right and it hurt me who was considered a favourite of my dad’s. My mother often taught me some good lessons with the whip or her shoe. I was a revolt.
I testified in court at their divorce and none of my siblings had the courage to do so, hence I spoke on our behalf.
Simply put, I grew up my own way, out on the streets or in boarding school, wherever but home.
That was why I wanted so badly to have my own home. There was a problem however, I already had a son and so I wasn’t according to the African Tradition, a worthy woman anymore. Marriage was going to be hard to come by.
I thought I could force one into being and keep it up.
Don’t ask me where I learnt about marriage. Don’t ask me either where I learnt about Love. Still do not ask me what I intended to do to stay married or avoid a divorce at all cost.
So, it came to be that I knew barely nothing about marriage. It came to pass that I knew little or nothing about love. And the inevitable came to happen that my ‘sham of a marriage’ collapsed at even a faster rate than had my parents before mine.
Wow, was that some curse? Was that something to do with my childhood? Was it some mistake on my part?
As for a curse, I don’t believe in those, don’t care to and don’t want to think of that possibility.
As for my childhood, I definitely think it had a lot to do and Soila published a very interesting article on the adverse effect of Divorce on Kids.
As for mistakes on my part, definitely. There are many. I did not Marry out of Love, I badly loved to get Married and out of what I considered then a jungle.
Secondly, I did not Trust the man I married, well eventually because I started out trusting him until he indicated by his actions that I was wasting my trust.
Finally and yes the big wreck, came via a string of adulteries which pushed me to suicide’s door and then out of the country all together. My tale of Unconventional Loves is published as of this very day and is on the amazon.
I tell my stories of course just mine and I share them to heal and help further.
I really do not know if there is any statistics to link kids of divorce homes to their own divorces should they get married.
I don’t even know if I would ever get married again at this rate.
I am scared about my own boys marriages should they get married too.
What do I do now? What do I teach them? From where do I start or how do I proceed given that I have only social network routes to them for the moment?
Sincerely, I would appreciate your comments, advise and resources.