Dating Coach
Author of The Global Guide to Divorce
Divorce can be a catalyst for starting a new life – a chance to discover new interests and rediscover talents. Passions may have gotten put aside or buried in a turbulent marriage or divorce. Dust off the clarinet. Dig out your paint brushes. Get in touch with what you want to do with this new chapter in life. For example, one recently divorced woman got back into her hobby of pottery. Now her lovely pieces are sold in various venues. Another person had dabbled in painting as a young adult. Post-divorce, she made this her full-time profession. She is so happy and claims she owes this career change to her divorce.
Time to put yourself first
You may have put other people before you. Take care of yourself and do what you want to do. This means saying “No” to requests of your time and energy. No explanations are required. When you are over extended, you have less energy and your health can be affected. The stress of the divorce process is compounded when trying to live up to other’s expectations and doing too much. Nurture yourself during proceedings. Set limits on your time in regards to helping others. It is harder to make a new beginning when bogged down with too many unnecessary obligations.
Take baby steps with change
Think about what you enjoyed in the past. What gives you pleasure now? How can you incorporate them into your life? Start by adding them into your schedule, the same as you do for appointments and work commitments. Put at least one fun or pampering activity in your calendar daily. Nurturing yourself helps lower your stress hormones, which makes it easier to try new endeavours .
Be open to opportunities
Consider taking a class which will benefit you professionally or personally. This can help initiate a new career path or different job. I took the opportunity to join Toastmasters when running into some of the members unexpectedly. This opened up doors to speaking internationally in fun locations. Try new things when you have the opportunity. You broaden yourself and do not have to stick with anything for life. A friend offered me her drum set after my divorce. I took her up on it, and discovered a new passion. Take advantage of what comes your way.
A change of environment
Sometimes after an acrimonious divorce, moving away is what is needed to start over. Going back to the same cafés etc. where you went as a couple, can keep you rooted in the past. A friend and his wife moved to a small town from London. After several years there, they divorced. Dylan felt that he could not escape her. Going to familiar places were a trigger for feeling her energy and not breaking free. He wanted a new life. Only when Dylan relocated and began a relationship with a lovely woman, was he able to start a new chapter in life. New surroundings can be freeing from the past.
Break Free
Ask yourself what seems to be your stumbling block from having a new beginning. Even if something sounds bonkers, think about it. One man interviewed, said that his hair was a history to his past. After a horrible break up, he had all his hair cut off. He regrew it and feels no ties to his past and is living a new chapter. Do what it takes so you start anew. Some people have changed their names post-divorce, not just the surname. Others have started new lives by going to retreats or an ashram. Travelling internationally and mingling with other cultures broadens one world and view point. This is what helped me have a new beginning and career. Think about what excites you and go for it!
Read more articles by Wendi Schuller.
Wendi Schuller
Wendi Schuller is a dating coach who helps people after divorce and break-ups to start dating again. She is a hypnotherapist, NLP practitioner and a nurse. She wrote The Global Guide To Divorce. https://globalguidetodivorce.com
She writes the Jack Jack The Cat series for children.