Dating Coach
Author of ‘The Global Guide to Divorce’
Divorce brings many changes and one major one is with friendships. One can lose friends (or those you thought were friends). Bringing new individuals into your life takes energy when yours may be at a low point.
It is tricky when most friends were initially were met through a spouse. Or you met other couples when married and socialised as a unit, not individually. Couples may not want to take sides, so the invitations cease. This is what happened to me. This situation forced me to get out and find my own tribe.
If you are in introvert, consider joining clubs. Select ones where you interact at your own pace. A travel one has speakers and slide shows. One can be a loner, yet be around others. For deeper connections, I joined a Girlfriends Lunch Club on MeetUp.com. Many were going or had gone through divorce, so there were tips and support along with laughter and fun. This camaraderie is supportive through life stages.
Go to the same places where you become a regular. Take your laptop to one with a community table. You get work done and can chat with individuals who are interesting. Interacting with the same people over time builds relationships.
Several newer friends who are now close ones, were customers where I used to work. We chatted regularly, then started going out for coffee. We clicked. Relationships like these, often happen organically. After seeing the same people over and over, take the plunge and plan a get-together. My manager on the job did this post-divorce, and met the love of his life. Good things happen.
When I was a trauma nurse at a large hospital, my co-workers and I went out several times a week to reduce our stress. We became good friends. Perhaps there are colleagues which you could get to know a bit better.
Have you let a few relationships slip by which you could rekindle? Your college roommate? Friends pre-marriage? Technology and social media make it relatively easy it to reunite with these former pals. College alumni directories are another source to help one get in touch with old friends.
Look at your current situation and see where connections can be made. If you are a parent of school age children, meeting other ones can lead to forming bonds. Several friends made lasting bonds with other parents, and now a decade later, are going through Empty Nest together. I volunteered for school events and met other parents that way.
It is fine to take baby steps when looking for new relationships. Take advantage of opportunities which come your way to deepen ties with casual acquaintances. Some can become close friends. Accept invitations to go out. Do not take it personally if someone chooses not to get to know you better. They are dealing with their own issues. Be patient. It takes time for a garden to grow, just as it does with friendships.
Read more articles by Wendi Schuller.
Wendi Schuller
Wendi Schuller is a dating coach who helps people after divorce and break-ups to start dating again. She is a hypnotherapist, NLP practitioner and a nurse. She wrote The Global Guide To Divorce. https://globalguidetodivorce.com
She writes the Jack Jack The Cat series for children.