I think you should be wondering why the emphasis right? Who are the ‘us’ I am referring to?
Ok, I am part of the ‘us’, us as in Divorced, separated and all the like.
You see, when we take that kind of hit, the kind which only those of ‘us’ who have taken it can feel the nerves, we may not want to breathe or even mention that word L again.
Let me rewind my story a little. My first article with the noble Divorce Magazine was on Marriage my Refuge which you could refresh on right here. Now, you would be thinking that I am probably still feeling those nerves of hurt, hate, shame, pity, and just add those kind of adjectives usually used on or for ‘us’.
So, now I fast forward to present day and that is exactly 2 years,9 months and 2 days since I left that marriage to join the ranks of the ‘us’.
I remember falling on this quote by the diva Oprah Winfrey as shared on her twitter page of Oprah World and on a Facebook page for women who can change the world:
“I want a man who loves me as I am, but somehow still inspires me to be a better person.”
I thought to myself, instead or hanging around any much longer in the miserable club of the like of ‘us’, why not reach out try to find a gentleman.
I had also come across this befitting quote of a gentleman and so of course I was dreaming to ha – maybe at last – find one!
After all, does missing the first, second or third and even further times mean we are doomed? That we will forever be bartenders in the ‘us’ club? Isn’t Love in the same air and sky above and around us all and why not even in us all living?
Hence, I took action. Enough was enough. I had changed countries, I had ‘lost everything’, I had left my sons (my all) behind, I was determined to move forward. Yes I need to feel and breathe from that same air and no longer with melancholy linger at the ‘us’ club. I didn’t think I deserved to be left out of any more Valentine day celebration because, it was only one day a year and there wasn’t another day for the likes of ‘us’ .
I subscribed to a dating site, for as you all surely know, out here in europe and probably in the USA and all, people don’t just talk to one another on the streets like we do a little bit more back home. Moreover, it seems once you start hanging around the ‘us’ club, you get some invisible ‘mark of the beast’ which sort of repels – if you see what I mean!
But, on those sites, you can write and say as much as you want, and tread as slowly or quickly as you can, and feel any way you do. There are many ‘us likes’ there too and so you just type in search criteria like you were looking for the latest ‘I gadget’ – you know the ipods, ipads, i-shoulders and all right?
So I say, I am looking for a man with a ‘story’, a man who wouldn’t mind my ‘story’ and a man who is willing for us to try moving on together.
Yes, I wanted to find and meet that kind of man Oprah was talking about. I wanted to find and meet that king of gentleman the quote I had come across talked about. I wanted to find and meet a man who would proof read my book and still love me so.
And here is what I found. Oh it wasn’t easy right. Let me not make it sound so sweet but hey Val’s day is tomorrow.
I found a man yes who had also just joined the ‘us’ club (his wife left him like five months ago) but who was so scared of suffocating in there that he wanted out!
I found a man who was still so fragile but who was determined to become a gentleman all over. Gosh, I even met a white man and for me that was a feat because I had never even dated one before and I used to toy at the idea of meeting some romantic french guy.
This in a few words is my tribute to this man whom I have fondly call my Darling Darling:
“You may wonder if I am not repeating a word here, but yes I am and on purpose. You see, when we met, I told him I will call him my Darling Darling and my Super Super Hero because I had hitherto called so many darling that he deserved the twinning.
So, to those still lingering in that club, in the ‘us’ club where I used to serve the tables and got paid in tears and pain, it is in your power to decide you have over stayed your welcome.
You could decide that you will breathe the same air all others breathe. You could decide, you will still use the L word and even if it doesn’t get past your lips, it could linger in your heart until the time is right. You know, the L word has a twin meaning for ‘us’ (hm tricky for I since left the club haha), it means Love and Live or the other way round if you prefer.
Should you continue to deprive yourself so much and waste away so bad and be full of reprieve at yourself or towards the other ‘us’ member of your former household? Did you see your name on the label of that bottle of gin you wouldn’t leave alone or on that joint you desperately crave for? Why can’t you shut out those thoughts of suicide, revenge and much more which are commonly and maybe openly discussed at the ‘us’ club?
Well, as for me, I did just that and yes I left the club. Decided I wanted to keep the L word in my vocabulary after all and look what I found. I mean no kidding but my DD got me my first smart phone, a kindle and so much more. He introduced me to his warm family and they adopted me and are spoiling me so good. I am happy and I really think I am much much better.
You see, I can even share my tales and mix the narratives with sour and sweet!