Author, Mediator, Lawyer
“It’s Beginning to Look a Lot Like Christmas”—But Not Everyone Feels That Way. As Christmas approaches, festive decorations and holiday cheer fill every corner. Yet, for many families, this season may bring unique challenges. For some, it might be the first Christmas with an empty chair at the table—a bittersweet reminder of a loved one now living in a different home. This absence serves as a stark reminder that things have changed and that cherished traditions may never be quite the same.
For years, my own family experienced this quiet discomfort, particularly around the holidays. There was an unspoken rule not to mention what had changed, but I learned that silence can turn this absence into a lingering shadow—a ghost that haunts the holiday table year after year. Ultimately, the empty chair remains, and everyone tiptoes around it, fearing that speaking about it will bring back sadness.
While these changes may be difficult, they don’t have to cast a shadow over the holiday or create quiet discomfort, especially for children. Give kids the space to express their feelings and share their sadness if they need to. Don’t feel you need to appear overly cheerful; this can confuse children. Instead, work together to plan something meaningful, and if there’s a moment when sadness surfaces, simply be present. Accept their feelings without trying to fix or advise. Often, your presence alone is enough.
The Christmas season can indeed be hard for separated families, particularly in the first year apart, and especially for children. However, parents have the power to create a new dynamic—one that acknowledges change without framing it as a loss. How can this be done? By creating new traditions and allowing children to express themselves openly.
Allow kids to share if they miss the other parent rather than avoiding the topic. This openness can help them accept and process their emotions, making them feel seen and supported. Explain holiday plans clearly, including how much time they’ll spend with each parent. If one of the major holidays is spent with the other parent, consider creating your own special “Christmas Day” on a different date, giving your family a holiday of your own to look forward to.
For the parent who remains in the family home, it may help to create new memories in shared spaces. Consider rearranging the furniture, adding new decorations, or introducing new traditions to refresh the environment. For the parent who has moved to a new home, involve the kids in decorating and setting up—let them help create new memories in this new space.
Keep in mind that kids may always miss having their parents together, as you are the most foundational figures in their lives. While it’s hard for them to accept the separation at first, they will adapt and find balance. They can process the separation if they feel safe, secure, and supported. However, they struggle when they feel caught in the middle, expected to deliver messages between parents, or pressured to take sides. This is not their role.
It’s beneficial to maintain the same parenting values you had before the divorce and to avoid confusing them by allowing certain privileges in one household that are not permitted in the other. For example, allowing unlimited television in one home does not make anyone a better parent; it simply gives kids a sense of control. Competing to fulfill all their wishes regarding presents may lead children to expect more and more. When parents don’t communicate and cooperate, kids notice and may even “use” this by telling each parent different things, making it difficult to understand their real needs and feelings.
Before creating a new parenting approach and setting aside previous household rules, keep in mind who is most affected by these changes. Remember that what kids need most is your presence and the consistency that their experiences in both homes are aligned, as contradictions can confuse them more than anything else. At the end of the day, it’s just another festive season, and how it unfolds is entirely up to you.
Read more articles by Despina Mavridou.
About Despina Mavridou
My name is Despina Mavridou. I am an author, a mediator and a lawyer in Greece.
I experienced the negative effects of divorce due to my parents’ separation when I was ten years old. For many years I was in the middle of their fights, trying to find a balance. When I was approx. 17 years old, I decided that I didn’t want to see my dad anymore. This cost me my relationship with him for more than 20 years (we have reunited recently).
After many years working as a lawyer, in the last four years I discovered mediation and also my passion for writing. For this reason, I left my job as a lawyer to concentrate on my passion.
My first published book is titled Mum, Dad, Can you hear me? and it is partially based on my personal story. I always wanted to share certain things with my parents to make them understand how I was feeling about their divorce.
Moreover, working as a mediator in family dispute issues, I saw how difficult it is for parents to get in their kid’s shoes.
The specific book Mum, Dad Can you hear me? serves dual purpose.
On one hand I want to help children understand that divorce is not the end of the world and that they can have both parents in their lives.
On the other hand, I want to help parents see divorce through the eyes of a ten-year-old girl to better understand the thoughts, needs and feelings of children and how important it is for them to have both parents in their lives.