Writer / Researcher
Custody X Change
The festive season is a joyous time for many families. However, if you’re going through a divorce or separation, you might be dreading it.
Navigating co-parenting during this time can cause headaches that may take away from the season’s excitement.
Follow these rules for a (relatively) painless festive season.
Rule #1: Plan ahead by creating a holiday schedule
A holiday schedule tells exactly how you will share time during the festive season.
Choosing a holiday schedule that suits your child’s best interests and relationship with your co-parent is vital. When you create a parenting plan, browse holiday parenting schedules for inspiration.
Get your schedule approved by the court (as a consent order) in case one parent fails to follow the arrangement.
Rule #2: Stick to what the kids know
Straying too far from what the children are used to can cause stress and confusion. If their normal is spending the festive season with both parents, do what you can to maintain that tradition.
For example, you could still have a shared Christmas dinner. Friends and family can serve as a buffer to help you avoid awkwardness.
If this won’t do, find ways to divide the time somewhat evenly. One parent could have Christmas dinner on Christmas Eve, and the other could have it on Christmas Day.
Sit down with the kids so they know ahead of time how they will be splitting holiday time with you and your co-parent. Do what will reassure your children that they will still have two parents actively involved in their lives.
Rule #3: Be cordial
The first festive season after your separation will set the stage for what the children will expect going forward.
Put aside bad feelings towards your ex and focus on the memories your child can create with both of their parents.
You don’t have to buy your ex a gift, but common decency can help everyone enjoy the festive season. Communicate your plans. If you’re dropping the kids at the other parent’s home, take them to the door and say hello. If you do decide to exchange gifts, discuss it in advance to avoid awkward surprises.
A show of goodwill benefits your co-parenting relationship and can help your children cope with divorce.
Rule #4: Don’t compete
Co-parenting is all about working together although you’re apart. However, parents may try to get the kids to favor them.
Competition coupled with guilt may lead some to go overboard with gift-giving during the festive season. Children may come to expect this treatment every year, which may not be feasible in the long term. Plus, it may teach them that belongings are more important than time together.
Children need love and support more than any material gift. Be present with them instead of trying to outdo your ex.
Rule #5: Be patient
Adjusting to co-parenting takes time. It’s okay if your first time co-parenting during the festive season is a bit rocky.
View this first festive season as a trial run and make adjustments as needed. Address any confusion ahead of time to avoid arguments. If you’re unable to pick up the children at the time you’re scheduled to, give a heads up.
It’s important you don’t let these setbacks overshadow your time with the children. Start new traditions. Put on your silliest Christmas jumpers and take a photo. Bake cookies. Do arts and crafts. All this can be therapeutic for parents and children alike.
Read more articles by Custody X Change.
About Zarira Love
Zarira Love has been researching and writing articles about child custody and parenting for nearly six years. She currently resides in New York City.
Zarira is a Writer / Researcher for Custody X Change.
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