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Organising school holidays and special occasions like birthdays and Christmas can test even the most robust relationships as parents juggle work commitments with a myriad of children’s activities.
Busy schedules also have to be rejigged at short notice when the unexpected happens, such as children falling ill.
For divorced and separated parents, many of whom do not have a support network, the above can be even more challenging.
As Easter looms, the school break – which is vital for children to recharge their batteries – can bring even greater disruption to daily patterns.
The Importance of Communication, Cooperation and Compromise
In our extensive experience, effective organisation, communication and collaboration between estranged parents are vital both during and outside school terms to ensure children’s best interests always come first.
The formula below helps to ensure stability in a shared commitment to children’s wellbeing while avoiding the court route – for which there is limited public funding – to determine arrangements.
Involve Children in Plans
During all school holidays, children will want to spend as much time as possible with both parents, their wider family including grandparents, and friends.
It is the responsibility of both parents to try to achieve this and may result in one parent spending less time with their child(ren) during the break.
Children and young people need certainty and security so let them know as far in advance as possible how, and with who, their holiday will be spent. This gives them time to adjust to any new arrangements.
Keep Talking and Communicating
Set aside your differences to always put your children’s interests first. Aim to plan school holidays as much in advance as possible so you can organise logistics such as travel, playgroups and sporting activities.
Be Flexible
In cases where a court is involved, parents will be referred to a Planning Together for Children course which helps them to understand how to put their children first while undergoing separation.
The four-hour course helps parents learn the fundamental principles of how to manage conflict and difficulties. For more information, visit this website.
Managing Special Occasions
This formula also applies to birthdays and the festive season – special occasions when parents can give their children magical memories to look back on by manging them creatively. For example, by organising a birthday celebration or outing with each parent.
When it comes to Christmas – which brings additional commitments and financial pressures – a spirit of co-operation, communication and compromise is needed more than ever for parents to work together.
Advance planning and keeping calm irrespective of challenges including bad driving conditions, or reluctant children (who find moving from one parent to another difficult, not that they don’t want to go) – is vital.
Christmas celebrations can take place at any time over the holiday to make them special for children. Parents can therefore make the magic of Christmas happen twice with Santa making two appearances with his presents.
Achieving this requires meticulous organising, allowing time to consider each other’s expectations and plans. It is also advisable to have a back-up plan in the event of an unforeseen circumstance.
Letting children know as far in advance as possible that they will have two birthdays and two Christmases gives them time to get used to the idea and look forward to it with excitement.
The Importance of Parenting Plans
Jones Myers’ dedicated, multi-award winning Children’s Department balances children’s and parents needs in wide-ranging issues.
Working closely with our clients, we devise the most suitable arrangements for children both now and in the formative years ahead. We also highly recommend that parents who split up have a Parenting Plan in place.
A Parenting Plan is a written plan which helps estranged couples to work out practical decisions in areas including communication, living arrangements, money, religion, education and emotional well-being. Providing a valuable reference point, it helps everyone involved to know what is expected of them.
The document can help ensure a degree of stability and continuity in a shared commitment to children’s wellbeing – without having to go to court.
In cases where parents need to go to court because they are unable to agree on certain issues, a judge will expect them to have started a Parenting Plan.
Helping them to record their plan and inform the family court judge what they have agreed and not agreed, it also enables parents to let the judge know areas where they need more help.
Family Law group Resolution, which promotes a non-confrontational approach to family problems, provides valuable advice for separating parents.
It is reported that babies as young as three months can be affected by negative vibes and parents who argue in front of their infant can cause them lasting damage.
When children’s futures are at stake, we recommend choosing a family lawyer like Jones Myers – who champions a non-confrontational approach to relationship breakdown and is a member of Resolution – when seeking legal advice.
Working closely with our clients, we devise the most suitable arrangements for children – both now and in the formative years ahead.
The actions and decisions of separating and divorced parents can play a formative role in ensuring their children’s emotional happiness and well-being though their journey to adulthood.
Read more articles by Anthony Parrish and Jones Myers.
About Anthony Parrish
Anthony Parrish’s extensive experience in family law spans over two decades, during which time he has developed specialisms in matters relating to children law.
A member of Jones Myers internationally renowned Children’s Department, he deals with issues relating to children, teenagers, parents (including those represented through their official solicitor) and local authorities.
His expertise also encompasses international child abduction cases and same sex relationship issues.