Doing it For the Kids: Co-Parenting Strategies For the New Year

Following separation, often parents start the arrangements for their shared children without much of a plan whilst the family settle into their new situation.  Sometimes parents might adjust the arrangements over time until they can settle into a routine that suits the family.

Sadly, and often where there is poor communication and the co-parenting relationship is not a strong one, the arrangements later breakdown.

Cafcass, the Children and Family Court Advisory and Support Service say that if children experience poor inter-parental relations or do not know when they are next seeing the other parent, they are more likely to worry, especially if there are long gaps between visits without an explanation.  Therefore, it is important for separated parents to always put the children’s needs first, despite any differences with their former partner.

As a family lawyer, I am often approached by separated parents who seek to regulate the arrangements between them and the other parent.  Before considering Court intervention, there are a number of tools available that can help separated parents to co-parent more effectively:

• A Parenting Plan – Parents can work together and formulate a Parenting Plan, which is a plan negotiated and agreed between the parents setting out what the arrangements for the child / children will be. For a free Parenting Plan template, visit: www.planningtogether.cafcass.gov.uk/plan

• Parenting App – Where there is conflict between parents, and they struggle to communicate, a Parenting App should be considered. There are many free and paid Parenting Apps available, and the idea is that the App is used by the parents for discussion about the children only, and it can include things like calendars, ability to make audio and video calls, share expenses, make payments and maintain a secure text communication with the other parent.   Feedback from parents who have tried this have reported that limiting communication to an App has been helpful.
• A parenting course. Attended alone or together, a parenting course can be a useful way for parents to gain insight about positive co-parenting and the benefits to the child / children. The courses usually consider how parents can effectively communicate and work together with the other parent to agree co-parenting arrangements without the need for Court intervention.
• Mediation – If separated parents cannot agree the arrangements for the child / children, then they should consider Family Mediation. This is a process in which an independent professional trained Mediator helps the parents work out the arrangements for the children. The Mediator will help to try and find a solution which works for both parents.  The process is less stressful and significantly quicker than going to Court, and Mediators work with separating parents in ways that are flexible.  If separated parents do not want to be in the same space, then often remote Mediation sessions can take place.
• Child Inclusive Mediation – This is a structured process which is suitable for older children where a qualified family mediator speaks to the child / children to ascertain their wishes and feelings. Where the children give permission, these wishes and feelings are then shared by the mediator with the parents in a separate feedback meeting. The parents can then use this information to agree the child arrangements moving forwards.

Conclusion

The risk to a deterioration in the child / children’s emotional wellbeing and mental health increases significantly where separated parents have a high level of conflict between them.  Therefore, separated parents are encouraged to consider how they can try and work together and communicate.

Remember that as children get older, often their needs will change. Therefore, when arrangements for children are made when children are very young, sometimes those arrangements could have a limited shelf life and later need to be reviewed – another reason to try and remain amicable with the other parent, where possible.

This is only intended to be a summary and not specific legal advice.

Read more articles by Emma Alfieri.

About Emma Alfieri

Emma Alfieri is a Legal Director at Suffolk firm Greene & Greene Solicitors.

Emma advises on all aspects of family law, including divorce and associated financial matters, disputes between cohabitants and child related disputes.

A member of Resolution, Emma is committed to resolving disputes as positively and agreeably as possible whilst also being motivated to obtain the best possible outcome for her clients.

Since 2012 Emma has been consistently recommended by the Legal 500 on an annual basis and in the most recent 2024 edition Emma is ranked as a “rising star”.

As an advocate of fault free divorce, Emma lobbied at Parliament with other members of Resolution in 2016 to bring about the recent changes to divorce law.