Marcia Lister

Family mediation is fundamentally an inclusive process.

This means that where children are involved, mediation can incorporate not only the biological parents’ points of view, but also those of step-parents, other family members and legal guardians, as well as the children themselves, projecting their voice and allowing then to be heard.

Child-mediation facts

When choosing a mediator for your child-inclusive mediation sessions, there are a few industry standards you should be aware of:

• It is important that the mediator is trained in child consultation mediation and must be registered and qualified by the Family Mediation Council.
• The mediator must have clearance by the disclosure and barring service.
• Before any meeting the mediator should seek to get to know the child through their parents, focusing on their personality, stage of development and activities before exploring all options involving the child.
• To take part in child inclusive mediation, children need to be at least 9 years old. The mediator has to take careful consideration as to whether the child is of sufficient age and maturity to be directly involved.

The child mediation process

Once the mediator has identified that the child is mature enough to handle the responsibility of child-inclusive mediation, there are certain steps that must be taken:

• Both parents have to sign a form of consent for the mediation to go ahead.
• The mediator will then send an email to the child to introduce themself prior to the meeting, this makes them feel grown up and included.
• They can then meet with the mediator on their own, with siblings or with their parents. In my experience, most children want to opportunity to meet alone with the mediator so that they can talk openly and have their voice heard.

The mediation session itself is a short, informal meeting, tending to last half an hour to an hour. In this meeting the child will have a chat with the mediator about their point of view.

There is never any pressure on the child to continue the mediation and the session can be stopped at any point should the child wish to.

After the meeting

After the mediation there is a feedback meeting which the child usually asks not to be present for, during this meeting a few key stages of the mediation take place:

• The mediator gives their feedback to the parents who have to be prepared to hear what the children have to say.
• Usually if all of the proper preparation work has been done between the mediator and the parents, then they are only too happy to listen to what their children have to say.

Once the mediation session is complete, if the parents don’t agree about what is best for the children, there is the option to go to court. However this usually is not necessary since the child-inclusive mediation usually produces a conclusive decision that both parents are satisfied with.

Why choose child-inclusive mediation

The children are not there to make decisions but just to have their voice heard. The big advantage of child-inclusive mediation is that children need explanations and reassurance that their parents have been unable to give them and this process offers this.

By listening to children, you can show your care towards them, therefore child inclusive mediation should always be considered in divorce or separation cases involving children.

ABOUT MARCIA LISTER

A pioneer for mediation since commencing legal practice as a family solicitor some seventeen years ago Marcia has worked exclusively as an independent mediator since 2004, focussing initially on family mediation, and latterly on workplace mediation.

Marcia’s accreditations include Family Mediation and she is a qualified child consultant practitioner. Her associations include the Professional Mediators Association and Resolution.

Applying an approach, founded in both empathy and pragmatism, Marcia has successfully mediated a wide range of diverse disputes, both in and out of the workplace and at least a glimmer of a smile, maybe, on the faces of each participant at the close of the day is what makes her work so rewarding for all involved.

Marcia’s mediations are a platform to build successful outcomes for everyone concerned.

Marcia is also a Resolution qualified Professional Practice Consultant (PPC).

She provides support and guidance to assist newly qualified mediators working towards their senior accreditation level. She acts as a mentor and sounding board for the mediators and provides professional assistance and second opinions to help them move forward in their new roles.

To contact Marcia visit – marciamediation.co.uk

Photo by Zach Lucero on Unsplash

Children can suffer from the stress of separation and divorce just as much as their parents, but mediation helps to give them a voice and more confidence in their future.

When families think about divorce they usually think of going through the court systems and putting a case forward.

Some may even think of involving their children in the divorce court, but mediation is a more peaceful alternative that should not be overlooked.

Mediation acts in the interests of all involved parties, making the experience less distressing for all and aiming to reach a reasonable agreement that pleases everyone involved.

What do Mediators do?

Throughout the mediation process, mediators aim to bring your divorce or separation to a mutually agreeable resolution, putting the control in your hands rather than leaving it to a judge in a court hearing.

Mediation can be used in all separation, divorce and even surrogacy cases, where mediators will listen to couples and also, where appropriate, your children’s views, opinions and feelings.

Mediators make it easier to come to a solution that suits everyone involved, for example on issues like property dividends, shared care and other assets where couples might struggle to come to an agreement on their own.

Is Mediation Compulsory in Divorce Cases?

As of 2014, divorcing couples are required by law to at least consider mediation before making any court applications.

The Children and Families Bill states that anyone seeking a court order to resolve a dispute over children, finances or property dividends must attend a ‘mediation information and assessment agreement’.

This is a beneficial act for both couples and the courts as it helps you to learn about the expensive costs and added stress of going through the divorce courts so that you can make your own informed decision.

While mediation is not mandatory – you can still choose to go to court if you wish – a mediator can also help you to compile submissions to the court too. The different approaches are complementary, rather than mutually exclusive.

Making Children’s Voices Heard in Divorce

For many families, keeping children away from the stress of the court system is very important, but children can feel anxious if they are not involved in the process. This is why child-inclusive mediation aims to include children throughout every stage of the process, giving them a say in their own future.

Inclusive child mediation prevents children from feeling powerless about their situation, when many are mature enough to have a say in their future.

Even if the children are not old enough to make a decision in their future, mediation will allow them to feel less ‘left-out’ when it comes to decision making on their behalf and reduces stress on the family as a whole.

While the final decision is always likely to be a compromise, child-inclusive mediation makes sure the child’s voice is heard, so the arrangements made on issues like where the children live and how often they see the other parent are more likely to be satisfying to both parents and to the child too – equipping everyone for a brighter family future, whatever the outcome.

About Marcia Lister

A pioneer for mediation since commencing legal practice as a family solicitor some seventeen years ago Marcia has worked exclusively as an independent mediator since 2004, focussing initially on family mediation, and latterly on work place mediation.

Marcia’s accreditations include Family Mediation and she is a qualified child consultant practitioner. Her associations include the Professional Mediators Association and Resolution.

Applying an approach, founded in both empathy and pragmatism, Marcia has successfully mediated a wide range of diverse disputes, both in and out of the work place and at least a glimmer of a smile, maybe, on the faces of each participant at the close of the day is what makes her work so rewarding for all involved.  Marcia’s mediations are a platform to build successful outcomes for everyone concerned.

Marcia is also a Resolution qualified Professional Practice Consultant (PPC).

She provides support and guidance to assist newly qualified mediators working towards their senior accreditation level. She acts as a mentor and sounding board for the mediators and provides professional assistance and second opinions to help them move forward in their new roles

To contact Marcia visit – marciamediation.co.uk