Elizabeth Bilton

When relationships run into difficulty, it can be only too easy for negative emotions to take over and to be the primary driving force behind decisions which will have long-term consequences not just for the people involved but for the people around them.

Even if there are no children to consider, the effect of a divorce can spill over onto family and friends.

This is even more likely if the couple moves straight to the courtroom “without passing go”.

While family courts do generally try to take a gentler approach than their counterparts in other areas of the law, even they can bring out the combative side in people, which can end up producing undesirable consequences.

Going to mediation as a first step may not save the relationship (although, in some cases that may be possible), but it does bring many benefits.

Emotions are acknowledged and managed

Mediators do not attempt to eliminate all emotion from the sessions that would be unreasonable and arguably impossible. Instead, they work to ensure that emotions are acknowledged but managed. They aim to stop people from being consumed by negativity and keep them focused on what is in their long-term best interests

Discussions are kept confidential

Courtroom proceedings are, generally, open. There are a very few exceptions to this, but they are highly unlikely to apply in standard divorce proceedings. The openness of courts is integral to the ideas behind them.  Basically, it’s not only that justice needs to be done; it needs to be seen to be done in a fair and reasonable manner.

This approach has a lot of benefits overall, but it may not be ideal in a divorce situation, especially if children are involved as it can result in them finding out information their parents would prefer them not to know, at least not now.

Even if children are not involved, there may be many other reasons for preferring confidentiality.

Sessions can work to a much shorter time-frame than a court

In simple terms, the more people need to be involved in a situation, the more challenging it can be to find a time when everyone can get together.

Courts involve multiple people whereas mediation sessions, in principle, only involve three people (the couple and the mediator). Added to this is the fact that mediators do not necessarily have to treat each issue raised with the depth which would be expected in a legal situation.

There is great flexibility

Obviously, any agreed outcome has to be compliant with the law, but otherwise whatever is agreed between the couple is entirely down to them. As an added benefit, outcomes do not have to be “set in stone” the way they often are in legal proceedings. Couples can test them and make adjustments as mutually agreed.

The cost of mediation can be much lower than going straight to lawyers

For all of the above reasons and more, the cost of mediation can be substantially lower than the cost of going straight to lawyers.

What’s more, if the couple do end up divorcing, they can simply pay lawyers to formalise the agreement created by the mediator, rather than paying them to create a brand new agreement.

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About Elizabeth

Elizabeth Bilton is an accredited mediator and qualified solicitor for Midlands Dove, with a specialism in family law disputes.

Elizabeth is one of only a few Mediators in the UK with an appropriate FMC accreditation to sign off on MIAMs required by the Family Court prior to an application being issued.

Mediation is essentially a safe environment for two people to air, discuss, and hopefully resolve their difficulties.

It is facilitated by a mediator, who is there, essentially to “chair” the meeting, in other words to keep it on track and to ensure that both parties have a fair and equal chance to speak and to be heard and likewise to listen to what the other party has to say in their turn.

They are not referees and definitely not judges. There seems to be quite a bit of confusion about family mediation so here are 5 “urban myths” on the subject along with the hard facts.

Mediation is the same as counselling

Counselling focuses on finding the reasons why a relationship is in trouble and tries to determine what change needs to take place in order to save that relationship (or to minimize the damage to the parties as they separate).

It can be extremely valuable, but it is usually a long-term process involving the recognition of a need for change. Mediation simply accepts the current situation as is, without judgement, and looks to find a way for both parties to move forward with their lives.

Mediation is about finding a way for couples to reconcile their differences

As previously mentioned, mediation is about couples finding a way forward. It may result in couples agreeing to reconcile their differences, but there are many other possible outcomes to the mediation process.

In short, mediation is not a way to “get your partner back” any more than it is a way to “get back at your partner”. It is basically intended to be a way to have a meaningful conversation with your partner.

Mediation can be legally enforced

In and of itself, mediation is just a framework in which to hold a productive conversation on a given topic (or topics). You may choose to convert any agreements made into a legally-binding format but that would be up to you (and your partner).

Mediation can be held against you in court

You and your partner can choose to tell a judge that you have been to mediation and agreed a route forward which you would like to present for their formal approval.

The judge does not have to agree to it, but would probably require a very compelling reason not too (such as reason to believe that one partner had been coerced into an unfavourable arrangement). If, however, you are unhappy with the result of the mediation process, you can simply put the whole situation into the hands of the judge, who will take it forward.

Mediation is a substitute for legal advice

You could argue that there is a certain degree of truth in this in that couples with minimal assets and no children might just agree a way forward in mediation and choose to proceed in court on that basis, but where there are significant assets to be divided and/or children, then it is generally very much recommended to speak to a lawyer as well as to a mediator.

About the Author

Elizabeth Bilton is an accredited mediator and qualified solicitor for Midlands Dove, with a specialism in family law disputes.

Elizabeth is one of only a few Mediators in the UK with an appropriate FMC accreditation to sign off on MIAMs required by the Family Court prior to an application being issued.