The Adulterous Woman

Going by the stories I have shared with you so far, you will see that my life has so far been pretty unconventional.

I am that woman who wanted to be married no matter what rather than be single and I paid for this by ending up in a marriage that was to become my jail.

I then took that ‘awful’ decision to end it, leaving behind my very own flesh and blood.

Today, I will share with you yet, another portion of my thriller of a marriage which led to a divorce.

Often times, we hear of men who cheat on their wives but rarely the other way round.  Maybe, women who cheat, don’t wish to share their stories?

I will tell you my story  in the hope that people will understand what happens when one partner withdraws emotionally.  I was that partner.  After two years of marriage, everything looked ‘good’ on the outside and yet in the ‘bedroom’ there was nothing going on anymore because I had had enough of the treatment that I was getting so I decided to do what was “good” for me then.

I cheated on my husband and found ‘temporary’ consolation in the arms of others.

The first of such men was a restaurant owner.  I often frequented this restaurant alone and before long he noticed me and started offering me ‘free’ lunches.  We would talk for ages and eventually one thing led to another.  Had I known that was just the beginning of my adulterous lifestyle, I would have told my husband and I don’t know what else.

But that I never did and soon found myself with yet another man. It was a one night stand while at a conference but again another step towards my next affair and the next and the next.

Then one day, I finally I met the man who was to get me to leave the sham of a marriage altogether. This one was a street “Child”.  He was eight years younger than I was and had nothing in his resume other than that he started living on the streets at the age of fourteen and dreamed of being a professional basketball player.

He was my “Treasure”. I won’t tell you anymore here and although that relationship is long over, that was the one time in my sad life back then, that I truly felt my life ‘spring’ up again.  What made this relationship very special to me? It was unusual and most unconventional. It was a disgraceful one AT most.

It was not until I left the country and wrote letters to those left behind did they begin to see and understand what was going on in my sad “marriage” and that those affairs did eventually help me leave.

I had tried to save my marriage in the early stages of my infidelity but to no avail. l remember begging my ex-husband we go for marriage counselling, but we never made it past the first session.

I was stuck. I was ashamed. What a Mess. What a disgrace, What a bad woman and mother.  As for Wife, I wasn’t anymore except for the legal aspects of whatever remained, I was worse than ‘Mary Magdalene’ in the Bible!

My mother did not believe me when I told her of my adulteries. She was scandalised when I mentioned that one of my partners in crime was a priest.  She preferred to believe that I was delusional, sick, depressed, possessed by some evil spirit to say the least.

I became my own mirror, my own judge and condemned myself to suicide. I however could not drive the knife through because of my sons. So I took the only other option available, and that was leave the country. I left everything behind and decided when I got better to tell the whole truth.

Yes, Divorces happen for all kinds of reasons and in my case, my unhappiness caused me to lead a life as a cheater until it became too messy to stay ‘married’.

Of course, I have since then moved forward and my mess is henceforth my Message as narrated in my book. Divorce is a painful journey but this too shall come to pass!

Marie Abanga