Founder
The Family Imprint Institute
Navigating co-parenting when emotions are raw can challenge even the most loving parents. The truth is, how you and your child’s parent communicate, prioritise your children’s best interests over your hurts and handle differences can make all the difference in your child’s life.
In my almost 20 years of working with families, I’d like to share with you 6 essential strategies to create that supportive foundation to co-parent well, to give your children the security and love they need to thrive, even during challenging times.
1. Celebrate Your Family’s Story – even though it looks different now.
Whenever you can share good stories about their other parent, that is what supports your child. Giving the message: “Our family is different now and this is sad for you. And there were many beautiful things in our history as a family.”
Remember the importance of the message: “No matter what else might be going on, we will always agree about how much we love you.”
2. Shared Celebrations
Our children benefit from shared family moments like weddings, graduations, and other significant moments, like birthdays or anniversaries. If a big event overlaps with your usual time together, consider being flexible. It’s a small gesture with a big impact, showing your child that family can come together to celebrate them, no matter what.
Even when our kids are grown, these are the moments memories are made out of and these milestones mean so much, and having both sides of the family makes it less likely that your child feels pulled into alliances.
This is an act that prioritises your child’s emotional needs above what may be an uncomfortable moment for you to share the celebration.
3. Don’t Take It Personally
When kids act distant or pull away, especially in a time of big changes, it can sting. It’s essential to keep in mind that this is often a reaction to the situation—not to you. Hold steady and stay close to your kids, even if they seem to be pushing you away.
You are more mature, hold on to your kids despite their temporary rejection.
Kids feel better about themselves when they can see the good in both their parents. Even when it’s hard, share a kind word about their parent, sharing a fond memory or something you appreciate about them.
Keep the big picture in mind along with what’s best for your kids – when your child hears you respect and appreciate their other parent, they feel more secure and valued, knowing they don’t have to choose sides to feel loved.
4. How Consistency Builds Security for Your Kids
Consistency—both in actions and emotions—is essential for children’s wellbeing, especially after a major life change. Your kids need to know they can rely on you, not only by showing up on time and keeping commitments but also by providing a steady emotional presence.
Especially when life feels uncertain, try to bring a calm, reassuring energy to your interactions with them. If something arises and you need to cancel plans, give them plenty of notice to avoid disappointment. This mix of practical reliability and emotional steadiness becomes an anchor, helping them feel secure and letting them know they can count on you no matter what.
5. The Dad Effect – How Your Relationship with Him Shapes Your Kids
When parents struggle, that tension doesn’t just stay with them; it can linger in their kids. Family stories, even the unspoken ones, live on inside us. By showing respect for your child’s other parent—through small, everyday acts—you’re protecting your child from carrying the pain of the past and making it much less likely that they will replicate the pain inside of their parent’s relationship.
Divorce is hard, and trying to co-parent while still healing is no easy feat. But your love for your kids keeps you moving forward. Navigating co-parenting can be complex, and it’s natural to feel uncertain at times.
If you’re feeling the weight of it all and would like some support to create a co-parenting approach that truly works, seek support.
Read more articles by Johanna Lynn.
About Johanna Lynn
Johanna Lynn is the founder of The Family Imprint Institute with over 20 years of experience. She specialises in supporting individuals navigating divorce, helping them uncover the root causes behind their separation. Johanna uses innovative mind-body techniques to illuminate how family dynamics influence relationships, providing clients with deep insights, clarity and healing.